Dedicated to the Past 5 Years

The big dance show is tomorrow, and we had dress rehearsal today. I've noticed some interesting coincidences in this show, if you can call them coincidences... Therefore, I would like to dedicate my performance to the past 5 years of my life. It's been 5 years since I graduated from high school (which included 2 of the worst years of my life), and now I am graduating from UPEI. My life during the past 5 years has been so different than it was in high school, and so much better. Every dance I do in the show, goes out to a different group. Here goes...

Tap - "Nobody Walks out on Me" - All that Jazz (Chicago soundtrack)

This song is all about being glamour and being a diva. So thank you to all the people who have put up with the diva in me. And you know the part where the girl talks and says "Oh Fred... Nobody walks out on me!" and you hear gunshots? That's a special dedication to Dreamboat and all the jerks who have scorned my love in the past 5 years. But especially to Dreamboat. Jerkass.

Jazz IVB - "Believe!" - Believe (Honey soundtrack)

Since I'm wearing my Sweden top for this one, I'd like to dedicate it to my Sweden crew. Especially to my Dutch party crew - Chantal, Astrid, Bindert (alriiiight!), Marloes, Elisa, Remco, Wouter, and Andries, and Sofie from Belgium. To my roommates Tina and Zoi, also to the rest of the exchange students. Also to my fellow student Loella and the other Swedes I met, especially the cast and crew of Utan Rim Och Reson. That was one heck of a journey I had in my 5 months in Sweden, and I'll never forget it.

And since the song has a positive message about believing in yourself, I'd like to dedicate it to all the people who helped me get to where I am now, and who will keep supporting me in the rest of my life after university.

Modern - "It's a Fine Balance... Part 2" - Rentstrike (Groove Collective)

My modern teacher named this piece after her favorite novel "It's a Fine Balance". The dance itself is very artsy and we got to make up snippets of choreography for it. Therefore I would like to dedicate it to all the people who have fed my passion for the arts in the past 5 years - theatre, dance, music, and literature. To the entire cast and crew of Utan Rim Och Reson, The Actor's Nightmare, The VMonologues, Doctor Faustus, Way of the Cross, and all the Dance Umbrella shows I've been in. To the dance teachers I've had - Diane, Buffy, Wanda, Julia, Peggy, Triona, Helen, and Montse (who taught me Flamenco in Spain). Also to the UPEI choir with whom I sang last year and the St. Dunstan's choir (I sang with them in my frosh year). For the people I've met in acting workshops and through other arts events, and to Carlo for inspiring me to go for my dreams of the performing arts again. Also, being an English major, I also want this to go out to my favorite profs of the English department - Jane Magrath (LOVE the 18th Century!) and Shannon Murray (Shakespeare ROCKS!).

Hopefully, I'll have a career in the performing arts. It's what I love, and I want to do what I love in life.

Ballet - "Sanctuary" - Gloria Patri (Sisask)

This one is a Latin Church hymn, and very beautiful. It is for all the people who have helped me grow spiritually in the past 5 years. I am so much stronger now as a Christian than I was before, and I would like to thank all the people who have helped me in my spiritual journey. To all the people I met at World Youth Day, from home and from afar. For my Germany WYD group and the cast/crew of Way of the Cross - Rachel, Neal, Ryan, Maureen, Amy, Sara-Sour, Tasha, Jason, Steph, Nancy, Mindy, Cheryl, and Maria. Also, to Father Charlie and the rest of the Chaplaincy Centre crew, the Faith Society and UPEI Students For Life, which will continue to grow over the next few years. To all the people I've met at the UPEI retreats, Teen Encounter Alumni, St. Dunstan's Divine Cafe, etc. To Sister Rose and the nuns I've met. For the priests who I've known over the years, Deacon Paul and Deacon John who will be ordained as priests this year, Andrew as he continues at the seminary and goes on another pilgrimage this summer, and Faber as he adjusts to the big decision he made. Also, in memory of Father Garth, and Pope John Paul II (JPII, I love you!).

Some of the moves in this piece remind me of my own spiritual journey. There is one where we bend down and look like we're wiping a tear - much like how much I cried over things that have to do with my faith - happy ones and sad ones. But even if I've had some hard times because of my religion, I've grown so much stronger as a result, and no matter what they may do to me, they'll never take my faith away from me.

Senior Jazz - "Salsa Variations" - Como Olvidar (David Bisbal)

Do I even need to describe this dance? Everyone who knows me well knows how much I love Spain, salsa, and David Bisbal. Of all the places where I've travelled, Spain is my favorite. I also loved Dominican Republic. So this one goes out to all the people who have contributed to my love of everything Spanish/Hispanic. To Joe, Cathy and Luis, and the rest of the DR group, also Miguel, Amado, my host family in Consuelo, Jose (my first kiss), the children in Miguel's batey, and the rest of the people who made my DR trip special. As for the Spain trips, here's a special dedication to Profesora Coll - thank you for the Spanish classes and for organizing the trips to Spain, and to all the people who have taken those classes and trips with me. Also, the Latin-Americans I met in my second trip to Salamanca - Alex, Marisol, Darwin and the rest of the crew. And to the teachers I had in Spain, my host families, the Tuna de Medicina de Salamanca, and all the Spanish people I met. I'll never forget Salamanca, and I still long to be there again. Hopefully I'll be back in Spain again sometime within the next few years...


The past 5 years have been amazing, and hopefully the next phase of my life will be too. Thank you to all the people above who have contributed to my 5 years at UPEI!

Finished exams, sucky ballet slippers, David Bisbal, and longing for Spain...

I'm done of exams... Whoo! Take yer shirt off! My last one was this morning, for Mr. Plagiarism-Nazi Doran's class. Though I probably didn't get the highest mark, I think I'll at least pass the course...

Dance is going good, Julia said I'm learning the Senior Jazz one well (the one to the David Bisbal song). Except I just need to go faster. For Jazz IV, that one is going good too, I just need to perfect the part where we have to get in push-up position (I can't do actual push-ups for the life of me...) and then jump up. In Modern, we have an extra rehearsal on Monday because we still need to work on some of the piece, especially the end and one part in the middle. For ballet it's going well, but I'll need to start wearing my new ballet slippers instead of the ones I have now. I've got Capezio Technik right now and they suck. They bunch up too much when I point my foot. The Bloch Dansoft slippers that I bought recently are much better and flatter my foot more. Tap is going well too, except at the last class I was so tired that I couldn't put my heart into it. I hate it when that happens... The David Bisbal dance is going to be the last one in the show, and I think it's going to be one of the best. Well, David Bisbal's music ranks among the best anyway...

Speaking of David Bisbal, he and Chenoa broke up. They met on a pop idol show 3 years ago (he got 2nd place, she got 4th), and were inseperable. Now recently they broke up... Which means that I can have him now! Whooo! Take yer shirt off!!! Well, he often takes his shirt off... ;) One of these days, I'll be that post he's embracing in that picture from the Buleria cd booklet... That post has nothin' on me!

Springtime is here, and the days are getting longer, which makes me happy. That means summer is approaching! I can't wait for summer, because summer means World Youth Day in Germany, Divine Cafe, and all sorts of other awesome things that only happen in summer. Though I long to be in Spain again... Last year I had a crazy longing for Salamanca, Spain... That country is so amazing that I must return someday. I'm thinking of going to Seville next year, I'll have to see though...

A Day Spent at Canadian Idol Auditions

I just read Neal's blog... Holy $*^%, I never ever EVER thought that could ever happen, ever! A draw in Dr. Mario, no frickin' way!

Anyway, on to my own life...

Canadian Idol auditions were Wednesday, and I got to the Confed Centre at around 7:30am or so. There weren't as many people as I thought, and though Memorial Hall was packed, a lot of people were guests that the competitors had signed in. Amy was there, and I saw a bunch of other people I know from class, theatre society, etc. Annie Van Eyk was there in one of her millions of trendy outfits. Mark Pickett too, and though he's a music major, he didn't even have a song picked yet! George Yammine and Erica Richardson (old classmates of mine from school) showed up later. I met Ben Mulroney and got my picture taken with him. I got on tv a few times, walking in the background as the camera crews were roaming around, and in some shoots with Ben. While waiting, there were some guys playing guitar and singing, and they sang all frickin' day! Even in the evening... though they're talented, after a while many people were like "Just shoot them already!" Some people were just sitting around and chatting, and others were practicing. I talked to some people I know, including Ratface who I haven't seen since high school. He's a security guard with the CI crew now, so he travels around with them. I remember back in junior high, he was a puny little runt, now he's over 6 feet tall and could rival Terence when it comes to muscles.

For most of the morning and afternoon, I was practicing my songs. I decided to sing "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan and a French song called "L'Amour est un Soleil" by Helene Segara (singer from France). Apparently, people sometimes get asked to sing more than 2 songs, so I also practiced "Foolish Games" by Jewel, "Nature Boy" (that slow song at the start of Moulin Rouge), and a bunch of others. The way it works is that everyone has a number, and every number goes in order, with groups of 5 going to tier 1 auditions. Then, the ones who get picked from tier 1 wait for tier 2 auditions, and they go in order too. You have to be there when they call your number to get in line, but you still have to wait forever between then and your actual audition.

I didn't want to eat anything before auditioning (eating before singing is a BAD idea - recipe for disaster... hehehe eating, recipe! Get it? haha) but auditions were taking forever. It took like an hour between taking each group of 5 for tier 1, so I knew I was going to have to wait a long time before my audition. So in the early afternoon I went to Mavor's and got a coffee and caesar salad. That salad was so yummy, I love caesar salad... Then an hour or so later, I had to get in line. Then I waited forever again and practiced while standing in line. When I went in for tier 1, each person in the group of 5 had to sing, one at a time, a verse and chorus of any song in front of a judge.

I went first, and sang Angel, and I thought I did well. The next guy sang "Something More" by Ryan Malcolm (I knew right away that this would count against him, singing a song by a former Canadian Idol is the kiss of death for CI auditions). The next girl sang "Oh Canada" (another kiss of death - any anthem or cliche song). The next one sang "Summertime" and did well (she's a music teacher in elementary and is classically trained). The next guy sang a Jonny Lang song. After this, the judge gave us the option of singing our second song, so I sang the French one. After we all finished, the judge gave us each a comment, and decided that she would let 3 people go to tier 2 - me, the music teacher, and the Jonny Lang guy. So I got a yellow ticket, which I excitedly showed off to Amy, Mark, and everyone else there who I knew. Amy got a yellow ticket too, and so did Mark, Amy, George, Chris Carson, Andrea Filion, etc. Then, I had to wait forever again for my tier 2 audition.

Meanwhile, I talked to Mark and Andrea, and a few others. And I continued practicing. I sang in the area between the hall and the art gallery entrance (behind the glass door), and the echo made a really cool effect. Then, at around 8:00pm or so, I got called to go to tier 2. We had to wait backstage by the dressing rooms. Some people were auditioning for a long time, others were rejected after their first song. I went in at around 9:00pm. Tier 2 auditions were on mainstage, and I think it was the executive producer who was the judge. I sang Angel, then the French song, and then he asked me if I had a third song, in English. So I sang Nature Boy.

Then, the producer said "You have an interesting vibe, but I don't think you're strong enough of a singer to advance to the next phase". Talk about rejection. Grrr...

So I left and went home. I feel like crap for having been rejected, but it wasn't a day wasted. I enjoyed the day, and it was worth skipping Doran's class. I really hope auditions come to Charlottetown again, because I want to do it again. I can go till I'm 26, so I've still got a few chances. Though I'm not sure about next year. I might be in Spain around this time of the year... Since the tier 2 auditions were taped, I might be on tv! Though I really hope they won't put me in the "bad auditions" footage. I'll probably cry if they do. But apparently they only took about 10 people past tier 2 (those ones are going to Moncton for the auditions in front of the celebrity judges). I'm probably not a William Hung sound-a-like though, other people at the auditions said I was good. And apparently Tim Chaisson auditioned 2 years ago, and didn't get picked (and he's extremely talented). Well, that's all for now!

I am the Poster Child for Lost Potential...

Just came back from dance class. I found out about my choreography - it didn't get picked. I got a note from the dance teachers with feedback. Feedback my @$$... It was more of a list of everything that was wrong with my choreography and dancing, but highly sugar-coated:

"We were pleased to see you attempt a choreography. The piece had some nice moments, especially the ending, but we will not be able to include it in the performance. Dance is an art form that requires such a strong foundation. It is hard to create the images we see in our minds if our bodies don't have that depth of training and ,unfortunately, as adults our bodies don't learn as quickly as when we were younger. You might want to consider creating a choreography on another dancer - this gives the advantage of using someone with stronger technique and, most importantly, of stepping back to see how the movement LOOKS rather than how it FEELS."

Allow me to rip into this:

We were pleased to see you attempt a choreography

Attempt? So I didn't succeed in doing something good?


It is hard to create the images we see in our minds if our bodies don't have that depth of training and ,unfortunately, as adults our bodies don't learn as quickly as when we were younger.

Fancy way of saying "you're over the hill, so don't even bother".

You might want to consider creating a choreography on another dancer

So I'm not good enough to dance my own choreography? Bite me.

this gives the advantage of using someone with stronger technique and, most importantly, of stepping back to see how the movement LOOKS rather than how it FEELS.

Fancy way of saying "your dancing sucks and you look horrible doing it, let someone else do it instead." Again I say, bite me.

I already know I'll never be able to be a professional dancer. I'm too old, have the wrong body type, and not advanced enough. If I could take classes several hours a day, I would. But I can't because dance teachers don't take me seriously. No matter how much I love dance, they'll never take me seriously because at my age, I'm not a protege that they can list into their brag book. At my age, I'm over the hill in the dance world, and even though I'm not planning on becoming a pro ballerina, I wish I could have more potential in dance and the performing arts in general. I was pulled out of dance at 10, and when I wanted to get back into it at 12, I was guilt-tripped out of it. It was only at 18 that I was able to get back into it. But by then, I was too old to have potential, and most studios don't teach adult classes because of that. I was lucky that the studios here had a few adult classes, so I wasn't left out of dance completely. But I still feel cheated.

I remember a while ago, Tasha and Maria were talking about lost potential. I'm the poster child for lost potential. *cries* I love dance and the performing arts, but I was guilt-tripped out of my dream when I was a teenager. At my age, I sometimes feel it's too late to do certain things I love. Well, I have another dance class to go to now, and then I've got Canadian Idol auditions tomorrow, so I have to cut my rant short for now... I hope I'll be well enough at the audition. If I end up being the next William Hung or WB Superstar, I'll shoot myself.

God Bless the Pope

I did my audition for the student choreography today. It went ok, and I hope mine gets picked for the show. They can only pick 3, so it's not certain I'll get picked. Rehearsals for the recital are going well, and I'm sure the show will be great. I remember when I got back into dance at 18, the only class I took was tap, but now I'm in 5 pieces (possibly 6, if my choreography gets picked). I've grown a lot as a dancer over the past few years.

The remaining shows for Way of the Cross went awesome. We were at All Saints parish in Cardigan, and our trip on the way over was quite funny. We went in Neal's van, but before leaving town, Ryan and I went to the Great Canadian Bagel to get some food. He freaked at me when he found out what I was eating - a chocolate chip bagel with spinach/feta cream cheese spread. In the van, everyone else freaked out too. I say: variety is the freakin' spice of life, people! Anyway, we played my David Bisbal cd, which made me happy. But then Ryan grabbed it away from me and wouldn't give it back. Then we all started fighting and yelling at each other like kids on a road trip. Neal and Rachel were in the front and were acting like the parents, and we were the kids acting up. On the way back from the show, things were more quiet, and we just sat around listening to music. The show at the Basilica went great, even though I had a headache. I guess the Good Friday fasting had a part in it. But we made 850 bones at the Basilica, and everyone loved the show. After I got home, I was so tired that I went to bed early and actually slept a good amount of time without having to sleep in the next day.

Then on Easter Monday, we performed for the nuns at the convent. That one was like our reunion show. The nuns loved it, and we had a few funny incidents too. After the show, the nuns seemed to be trying to recruit all the girls to join the convent. One of them came up to me and said "I've been praying for vocations and whatever community you're called to..." and Maria had at least 4 nuns trying to recruit her. They had a little reception for us, and some people joked that after we'd go into the room, the nuns would close the door on us and force us to stay in the convent. The Sisters of St. Martha interacted with us, but the Sisters of the Precious Blood left right after the show. I remember seeing a little old one in a wheelchair on the balcony, and she seemed so holy! I myself couldn't be a nun (the thought of being one doesn't make me happy), but I totally admire their dedication to their vocation.

I got my term paper back from Prof. Doran (aka Mr. Plagiarism-Nazi). B+! I was highly surprised at that, but happy. Everyone was in fear of being accused of plagiarism, since he's so uptight about it. No other prof expects us to cite his lectures if we use material he taught in class.

The Pope is dying... which makes me sad. Tasha, Neal and I watched the news on the tv in the Chaplaincy Centre, because Tasha found out his kidneys were failing. Now, I have the tv on, and am following the news on his condition. I actually cried a few times tonight while watching all that. He has been the pope since before I was born, and I think it will be difficult to adjust to having a new one. Plus, he was an amazing pope. I remember at Toronto World Youth Day, when I saw him in the Popemobile driving by. 3 times - the opening ceremonies, then in the evening at Downsview Park before the vigil, and the next morning before Mass (I stood in the crowd in the rain, but it was worth it). Faber actually met him at World Youth Day - greeted him at the airport and kissed his ring. I remember a lot of people were worried he might die before or during WYD, but he didn't. But this time, I think it's going to happen. As sad as it makes me, I guess I'll have to accept it.

In the news tonight, they were speaking to different people who have met the Pope, and they talked to Sebastien Lacroix! I remember when the WYD cross was on PEI in 2001, Sebastien was travelling with the cross and a group of us carried it around the UPEI campus. I haven't talked to Sebastien since that time, but I remembered him immediately when they showed him on tv tonight. What a nice surprise, it's a small world after all!

God bless the Pope, and may God be with him and keep him strong during this time.